“Aging is often a process of adjusting to loss.” That statement was made at a recent lecture I attended related to emotional well-being. The therapist explained that loss impacts the identity each of us has as we age. We adjust by doing things differently. When change happens, we can feel loss. The world starts to shrink around us.
Loss can occur in various forms. I think often about the loss of my parents in the past 12 years. I still have the identity of a daughter but my relationship with my mom and dad is on a spiritual level, which is OK, but definitely a change.
I also think about other losses of friends and family to death. I have only one remaining aunt left when once I had fourteen aunts and uncles. I share these losses with my cousins. Without those parents, however, the cousins drift further apart.
Experts say that aging begins to occur early in mid-life. Into my 7th decade, physical changes have become more acute. I am slowing down regularly and admit that I have increasing limitations and losses regarding my physical abilities and energy.
Nevertheless, Mark Twain noted, “Comparison is the death of joy.” I cannot help but compare myself to a younger self as well as to others who are younger and still going strong. I tell myself to be grateful for what I have had over the years in terms of good health. Nevertheless, I do not want my world to shrink. I feel like I am in the stages of grief beginning with denial edging into anger.
Acceptance means knowing that changes are occurring. I will be more emotionally well by recognizing the loss of identity but also the gains noted as I enjoy life in diverse ways.
I vow to try to find harmony in acknowledging the positives, and not just the losses, during this period of time. My new identity includes being active in slower ways, appreciating vintage and new friends, recognizing something bigger than myself, acknowledging the wisdom I have gained over the years, focusing on hope, expressing gratitude, and recognizing the need for forgiveness (of myself and others).
My emotional health journey continues as my identity evolves.