Wandering and Wondering

This period marks 5 years since the COVID emergency occurred. Like everyone else, I found the pandemic highly unsettling. Nevertheless, I had my cats, computer, and jigsaw puzzles during this lonely time. I also had the outdoors and daily sojourns into those environments, which saved me. I survived because nature did not have COVID.

Similarly, I feel I am living in another emergency now with the inhumane ways that our government is treating people in our country as well as globally. I am distressed daily by the news I hear. In the same way as five years ago, however, I head outdoors to find peace each day.

I know how lucky I am to live where I do. I have heard more than one local person remark that “at least we live in this beautiful place.” I am privileged to live here since the Estes Valley is not an affordable place for everyone. Getting to view the mountains every day and gather strength from them is priceless.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The world is full of beautiful places. For example, whenever I return to Iowa, I marvel at how verdant the outdoor landscapes are. I grew up in the Wapsipinicon watershed and although I often did not appreciate it as a youth, I got my love for the outdoors as I rambled in that area. Awe-inspiring opportunities occur in micro as well as macro environments.

I seek the outdoors when I want to rejuvenate my soul. Watching geese on Lake Estes delights me as they land and surf on the water. Tracks in new snow remind me of the world that is busy even as I sleep. The sight of the first bluebird of spring gives me joy. The recognition of the call of the red-winged blackbirds staking out their territory reminds me also of the Iowa environment of my youth.

I often write about the outdoors. It is my passion. Viewing the mountains from my house or walking up a park drainage area provides a “joy” snack for me. The outdoors is strength in challenging times. I am thankful for breath-taking landscapes and evidence of abundant wildlife to heal my heart from the traumas of the outside world. I get to live here!

Mom says that Gitch and I will turn 15 hooman years old this month. That is equivalent to 76 cat years—slightly older than mom! She doesn’t know if March 23 is the exact day we were born since our biological mom wandered into a rural North Carolina garage and gave birth to us. Our adopted mom, Karla, chose the day because it was the day her first great niece was born. Regardless, we know we are getting older.

Karla says life is a matter of timing. Timing was the case for Gitch and me. Mom’s rabbit had just passed over the rainbow bridge with her two previous kitties all in one year. She was missing another breathing being in her house. A friend heard from a friend who heard from a friend, that four 6-week-old kittens were looking for homes. The photos showed a tabby female, a gray male, and two calico sisters.

Of course, I am biased since I am a brown tabby, but mom was partial to my markings. When she saw the photo, she knew she had to have me. She drove 1 ½ hours to pick me up. That first night with her was horrible. I missed my cat mom and siblings. Karla let me sleep with her and I settled down, but it was hard. The next day she had a long day at work. I was terribly lonely and scared.

That second night she decided having a single kitten was not a good idea. She called and then drove the 1 ½ hours again and picked up my brother, Gitch. When she chose me two days before, I could tell Gitch was disappointed. I was ecstatic when we were reunited and both of us could now cuddle and play together.

We moved from North Carolina to Colorado when we were 4 years old. It was a good move since all three of us were together. We are indoor cats, and I regret that sometimes. Going outside would be nice. On the other hand, the outdoors is scary with coyotes, bobcats, owls, and hawks in our backyard. We are safe inside.

We are lucky to have mom as our guardian. By the way she hugs and kisses us, I know she is happy to be our servant. As we age, both Gitch and I have health issues, but we are getting good medications and a nutritious diet. I hope we all live for a long time. Although I prefer to often be aloof, I know how good our lives are with our liberal cat lady mom. Happy birthday to us!

Only on rare occasions have I worn make-up. I like the natural look and have never thought that putting chemicals on my body was a healthy idea. However, I love the external adornments of earrings and special rings.

Several weeks ago, I was at a writing workshop where the prompt given by the leader was to write about something we always carried with us. I chose the ring that I now wear every day on my right hand. The ring was crafted from one of the diamonds in my mother’s wedding ring. I had it mounted on a band with mountain images surrounding it. To carry it with me reminds me of my family as well as the natural world that I love.

I have worn earrings every day for over 50 years. When I was in the work world, I would carefully choose the earrings I wore to match my outfit or my mood or a combination. I especially enjoy earrings that show an image whether it is a flower, an animal, or a creative symbol.

Having an affinity to earrings makes gift giving to me easy. I associate some earrings I have with the people who gave them to me. Almost all the time, the gifts reflect something I would choose myself and I appreciate that the giver “knows” me. When I volunteer in the park, I often choose to wear earrings that symbolic of an animal. I like to think they represent the “animal whisperer” in me but I have no proof that is the case.

I don’t think as often about earrings anymore since I am not usually choosing them daily based on what I am wearing. Regardless, I still enjoy the inventory of earrings that I have and what they mean to me.

External accoutrements like rings and earrings make a statement about what is important in our lives. I hope to continue to make those statements about myself as I think about what is important in my life.

My favorite song from Wicked is “For Good:”

“Like a comet pulled from orbit (Like a ship blown from its mooring)

As it passes a sun (By a wind off the sea)

Like a stream that meets a boulder (Like a seed dropped by a bird)…

Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?

I do believe I have been changed for the better…

I have been changed for good.”

I have been lucky to have had “peak experiences” and “moments of insight” in my life that have changed me for the good. I believe in the importance of moments and seek to recognize them when they come serendipitously or intentionally.

Chip and Dan Heath published a book in 2017 entitled The Power of Moments. They contend that human lives are highly variable, and positive moments are dominated by elements such as insight, pride, and connection. Brief experiences can change lives. I discussed some possibilities in the recent blog I wrote about kindred spirits. Sometimes these opportunities happen spontaneously and sometimes they can be orchestrated.

I have long been interested in research on the benefits of organized camp experiences for children and adults. I had a “moment” as a high school 4-H camper that changed my life. I didn’t completely understand what had happened at that moment, but in reflection I realized how significant it was. I had a college aged counselor whom I admired. I was not a talkative person but her parting words she wrote on a card to me was, “Share, share, share, Love, love, love.” My confidence surged after that experience and has since shaped my life.

I am fortunate to have had positive experiences that changed me for good. Receiving recognition and awards has been wonderful. However, moments that change one’s life are often subtle. Coaches, teachers, parents, siblings, and friends have the potential to offer the possibilities of positive moments. Unfortunately, moments can also be negative and recognizing that cannot be ignored.

Many defining moments occur in youth, but they can happen at any stage of life. Being adventurous and open to new experiences may facilitate these moments. They all help me be “the best version of myself.” I hope I can also pay positive moments forward.

“I hope I can run like you when I am your age” was a comment directed to me during a 10K race almost 30 years ago. I admit that my salt and pepper hair suggested I was older than the 20- something who was about to pass me on a steep uphill. I hesitated for a moment and then responded, “I hope you can too!”

I have been fortunate to know many active older people in my life. When I was a member of my North Carolina track club, I enjoyed how we encouraged each other as we got older and moved into new age categories for races. I was always impressed by the energy and enthusiasm for running of a woman who was 15 years older than me, Martha Klopfer. Last year she won the 2024 1500-meter Masters race for women 85-89. Associating with people who remain active into their later years seems normal to me.

I had another experience related to age on our recent hiking trip to Patagonia (see photo). Several of us were approaching or into our 70’s. (I was the oldest). We were going down a particularly steep crowded section of the trail headed to Gray Glacier. Because of the rocky wet path, hikers were kindly waiting to take their turn going either up or down. A young man with a distinct European accent waited patiently and then said to one of our folks, “Can I ask you how old you are?” Kathy looked up at him for a moment, and said, “70.” His response was “Wow!”

Not everyone in our small group of travelers was “older.” However, two fellow travelers remarked to me that their mothers (women of my age) could never do the trip we were doing.

I do not think it is unusual that people in their 60s, 70s, and 80s are able to run races and hike mountains. If that is a part of their lives when younger, it can remain an important part of life. Afterall, as the commercial says on TV, “Age is only a number.”  Living a healthy life impels us into the future. I cannot control how much longer I will be able to be physically active, but I hope I will continue to encounter active folks regardless of their age. I will not let an old lady live in my body or mind.

When I was a little girl, I often felt anxious. My mom always told me to take deep breaths before I began whatever it was I was fearing. That advice has guided me for decades. As I age and confront issues I have with asthma, I am more cognizant of breathing than ever before.

My mom was on to something when she advised about deep and intentional breathing. Researchers have found that breathing is the way to calm one’s mind. Helen Lavretsky, a geriatric integrative psychiatrist admonished that breathing is an immediate tool available to human beings to regulate emotions. I often remind myself about how important it is to “just breathe.” It can influence how I think and feel.

I have had more issues with breathing in the past two years. My exercise induced asthma, which was once easily controlled with an inhaler, is slower to respond. I am especially finding the cold and elevation hamper my breathing. Living where I live, I am concerned. Nevertheless, I am exploring ways to enhance (and enjoy) my breath.

I practice breathing better. For example, my posture helps. When I stand up straight, I feel more air coming into my lungs. In the wintry weather, breathing through my nose seems to filter and regulate the temperature of air going into my lungs. I try to relax into my breath by being as smooth as possible going in and out.

Breathing is something I have taken for granted much of my life. Of course, when I heavily exert, I recognize the increase. However, these days I am more mindful of what my breath is doing. Not only am I aware of my breathing during exertion, but I also use my yoga and meditation to slow down my breath. Research shows that most people breathe 12-20 times a minute. The “magic” number is 5-6 breaths per minute. I am striving for that rate.

My mom knew the importance of breathing when she helped me calm years ago. I understand better each day why that advice worked! I am grateful for every breath I take.

Grilled guinea pig? “Sure, I’ll try that.” I am audacious with food and enjoy trying new cuisines. I may try things once (such as the guinea pig in Peru) and never need to taste it again. Like most people, however, I have foods that I enjoy eating often– comfort foods.

Comfort food includes dishes that provide a sense of nostalgia and emotional satisfaction linked to personal or cultural memories. These foods are typically rich, hearty, and/or indulgent. Particularly in the winter months, comfort foods are heartening.

The foods my family of origin ate did not have ethnic significance since most people with whom I grew up were from homogenous white northern European backgrounds. I was lucky, however, to grow up with a mother who was “food adventurous.” She liked to serve casseroles and variations on how vegetables were cooked, especially the ones we experimented with from our garden such as brussels sprouts and parsnips. Although my dad insisted on a typical farmer’s diet of meat and potatoes, and reluctantly a vegetable or two, my mom was open to fixing menus with variety.

My Aunt Dorothy made the best kolaches in the world and although I don’t come across them often, they remind me of her. Fried chicken was often part of family reunions. My family raised sheep and was one of the few that ate lamb when I was growing up. I am conflicted about eating red meat, but when I enjoy a lamb dish, it brings back memories from growing up on my Iowa farm.

As I travel around the world, I am keen to learn about special foods from other cultures. For example, although not my favorite, Asian Indian comfort food often includes curry. Europeans may prefer the possibilities of pasta. In my recent trip to Chile, I loved sampling variations on empanadas. When I think about the months I spent in Türkiye, I long for kebabs. I loved the mommas in Nepal. Universal comfort foods around the world seem to include chocolate, ice cream, or fresh-baked bread.

My favorite comfort food today is pizza. I am not referring to the Chef Boy-Ar-Dee complete pizza boxes that I had growing up. Good pizza is always a treat whether celebrating something special and/or getting together with friends. Clearly, comfort foods are not necessarily about the taste as they are about the emotional connections.

“Oh, shoot, what was her name?” I am not sure I say things like this any more these days than I have in the past, but it feels that way. I think about memory loss and dementia more often as I encounter my contemporaries questioning some of their circumstances. As I get older, I am wondering about what a personal journey with mental decline might mean for me.

I have good genes relative to the potential for memory loss. My paternal grandmother had significant memory issues, although I am not sure it was diagnosed with a label. Although my other grandparents lived into their 70’s, I recall more physical than cognitive issues. Memory problems for my parents only happened related to other health issues as they reached their 90s. I feel lucky.

On the other hand, I am aware of the possibilities of losing mental sharpness when I cannot recall a word or name that I think I should know. As baby boomers age, I notice a myriad of references to dementia and its progression and treatment. Dementia is a common worry, and, like others, I fear the uncertainty of losing memories and the ability to connect with others.

Dementia has stages from mild to severe. The timeline and symptoms vary for everyone. My fears are normal and not overwhelming. Every time, however, that I cannot immediately recall something, I wonder if I am in decline. I remain calm by telling myself that I am overthinking this situation, just as I tell myself when I overreact about other health issues. My friend says it is not my memory but the indexing in my brain. I have so much information there that it just takes a while to find it. I hope that is the case!!

Nevertheless, I focus on being proactive to maintain my brain health. I have always been a “self-help” junkie and read regularly about how to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Being physically healthy in general empowers cognitive abilities. I exercise every day. I “bathe” in the forest. I try to eat healthy foods. I drink alcohol infrequently. I do word puzzles every day. I volunteer so I can have a purpose in life. I value and try to nurture my friendships. I express gratitude each day for all the advantages I have. That all seems like a good prescription for living in general.

I cannot control what lies ahead relative to the likelihood of my physical or cognitive declines. I can strive to retain my health and support my friends who are also experiencing these concerns.

I meet people in my life with whom I feel an immediate connection. These folks indicate a shared history and values. People who share common interests, values, or worldviews might be described as kindred spirits. These friends and acquaintances resonate with me because of the energy related to our common life experiences. We often share the same quirks, and sense of humor.

I feel at peace with kindred spirits. I know they understand me. For example, I feel kindred with other volunteers in the park because we are committed to facilitating great experiences for people in the park. People who love cats like I do are kindred spirits to me. Whenever I meet someone from Iowa, I feel a tie to a Midwestern upbringing.

I have experienced kinship ties with many people over the past 75 years. Time with these kindred spirits brings me in touch with what is important to me. In a sense, I see myself better when reflected in a kindred spirit. They also provide assurance to me that I am not alone as I pursue my passions and purpose. These relationships, sometimes fleeting and sometimes long-term, comfort me.

Sometimes I feel an immediate connection with someone. When I see that we share similar experiences such as being Iowa State alums or marathon runners, I know I am with my people. It feels like I know that person (at least a part of them) immediately. They “get” me.

I am particularly cognizant of kindred spirits as I navigate my fears about the directions of my country. Networks of like-minded people are necessary. Connection with kindred spirits is especially important to me this week. These relationships give me knowledge, courage, and commitment that can lead to potential change.

Kindred spirits are different from soul mates. Kindred spirits share common values as do soulmates. However, as I understand soulmates, they are intertwined with everyday life and have an ongoing influence. Connections with kindred spirits may be fleeting, and that makes them special.

I look forward to those moments when I feel kindred connections. As Charles Schultz suggested, “In life, it’s not where you go, it’s who you travel with.”

We had a horse on our farm when I was growing up. She was not an endearing animal. I respect horses, but they have not been consequential in my life. I have never had a good equine relationship. Recently, however, my appreciation for horses has expanded.

The “One Book, One Valley” nomination this year in Estes Park was The Ride of Her Life: The True Story of a Woman, Her Horse, and Their Last-Chance Journey Across America. I fell in love with the two horses that are integral to the story. I felt the connection the author described and the sorrow when one of the horses died.

I was not sad, however, when our farm horse passed. Betty was a gray appaloosa cross who really hated riders. My dad had to catch her for me as she was not cooperative about the prospect of a rider. We never had a saddle for her, so I always rode bareback. My dad said that it made me a better equestrian because I did not rely on a saddle to stay on her back. She would reluctantly trot and when she sensed we were headed back home, she would break into a full gallop. Betty was always in control. I never felt any bond, and I know that was what she wanted.

Nevertheless, I admire people like my friends Deb (see photo) and Chris who have had intimate relationships with horses. Horses have been unique in human history and culture. Their strength, grace, and intelligence are revered in the work they have done as well as the pleasure they provide for people. Before modern machinery, my grandfather used to talk about their role in agriculture as well as in moving around.

I am learning that what may set horses apart from some other animals is their deep unions with humans. Although I have never experienced it, people tell me that horses are intuitive creatures capable of reading human emotions through cues like tone of voice and body language. Horses capture humans because of their strength and nobility.

I doubt I will ever have such an inclination toward horses, but I appreciate them more because of reading this book. I am glad they hold a special place in the hearts of my good friends.