The bull elk lumbered slowly across the road in front of us as I engaged the brakes. His head slumped down as he looked our way with watery brown eyes. He looked disinterested as if he were saying, “Run over me. I don’t care.”
I feel sorry for the bull elk this time of the year. Their hormones push them to focus single-mindedly on attracting female elk for procreation. They do everything they can to appeal to potential mates-rolling in urine and mud to make themselves look bigger and more attractive along with their intermittent screaming bugles. The cows, however, have the last word in the mating plans. Many males get disappointed. They must confront rejection.
I read a daily blog about writing. These motivational pieces describe the tips and tricks for getting published with undertones related to dealing with rejection. I relate to that reality.
I had a successful career as an academic. I was a good (although not great) teacher and I hope, a supportive colleague. I was successful in writing hundreds of published academic manuscripts. However, I was not successful at publication in my early career. I had those sad eyes of a bull elk.
When I received a negative review on a paper I submiited, my initial reaction often was to mumble cuss words about how reviewers did not know what they were doing and then stash the paper and the comments out of sight in a drawer (back then these were paper reviews).
Rejection was painful and it resulted in sadness, anger, loneliness, and self-doubt. I often felt worthless and doubted that I really belonged in the academic world. It was frustrating, but I was a fighter and a survivor. I resolved not to let rejection define my academic life.
After a couple of days, I made myself open the drawer where the assessment of my writing temporarily lived. I got the courage to carefully examine the comments. I learned that even if I did not agree with an observation, it was important to think about why reviewers misunderstood my writing. I was not communicating as clearly as I thought. In other cases, it was obvious that my ideas needed deeper insight. If a manuscript was worth additional effort, I could improve it vastly. I learned to revise and rewrite with the comments in mind. I learned to do a better job in future writing when I paid attention to the reviewers’ comments. I became successful.
I wonder if the bull elk will learn from his sad moments just as I did. Rejection is not easy but there is always another year and another opportunity. Now I just need to apply this optimism to other issues regarding my fear of personal rejection.