The Labor of Cheerful Holidays

Energy is needed for holiday gatherings. I particularly think about my mother and her obligatory vigor over the years to ensure that our family was comfortable and happy on Christmas Day. She supplied physical and undervalued invisible emotional labor to keep us contented and cheerful.

Emotional labor is a term coined by sociologist Arlie Hochschild. She proposed that emotional management requires the consumption of human energy. It can occur in the workplace and/or at home. A compelling leisure research analysis by Leslie Bella, The Christmas Imperative, described how little fun holidays were for some women because of the amount of labor they not only put into preparations for family gatherings but also the momentum expended to make sure that everyone was compatible and had an enjoyable time with limited awkward moments. Holiday rituals are significant, and mothers are usually responsible for them.

I am grateful for everything that my mother did. I don’t think I realized how important it was until later in her life. Although I returned to Iowa for most holidays and was there Christmas eve day and Christmas morning to be her sous chef, I didn’t have the emotional investment she had.

Having tasty food was important to mom and she tended to vary the menu. An important prerequisite was the dinner table. Regardless of how many people were invited, she insisted on everyone sitting around the big table, or the kids’ table nearby. The red tablecloth provided a stunning backdrop for the plain white China and Crystal glassware. Festive Christmas cloth napkins added flare. Every year she made new placards so there would be no questions about where to sit when it was time to offer Christmas blessings and begin the feast. During the meal, she guided the conversations as she assured that everyone got plenty to eat.

Mom loved her role, but eventually it was not only the physical busyness but also the emotional stress that resulted in her giving the Christmas tableware to my sister so she could continue the family traditions. My sister was not invested in the details, and the actual Christmas dinner was never the same when we gathered. I miss my mom’s Christmas celebrations.

I wish I could tell my mom again, as well as my grandmothers and aunts, how much we appreciated the efforts, physical and emotional, into making Christmas dinner and all our holiday gatherings a lifelong happy memory.