I love my family of origin. My biological family shaped my core values and beliefs. I miss my parents and strive to maintain connections with my sisters. I am grateful, however, for the families of choice that have emerged over the years. These networks of friends and colleagues offer comfort and rituals that nurture me. My family of origin (FOO) provided foundational lessons. My families of choice (FOC) are intentional and offer meaningful connections.
I value what I learned from my FOO. They nurtured me with love, boundaries, communication skills, and influence about how the world works. My upbringing was not perfect. At times I did not believe my family understood me. On the other hand, I am grateful for what I learned about frugality, generosity, kindness, and reverence for the natural world.
Today I call several groups my FOC. These families do not supplant the FOO that provided love and safety in both my child and adulthood. These families, however, supplement my world and enable me to continue to grow as my FOO became less central to my life.
My FOCs are active through our commitments to one another. For example, I have a special family that started during my graduate school days. These people provided the essential sustenance I needed to complete my academic work and then maintain productivity and networking throughout my academic career. These friends and mentors, although some have passed away, continue to nourish my wellbeing.
A group of women came into my life when I lived in Madison, Wisconsin over 45 years ago. We have continued to get together in small and large groups over the years. They are the family that I can re-connect with in a matter of minutes upon reuniting. They have been steadfast during times of joy and sadness.
I am part of a FOC in Estes Park who are steadfast in my everyday life. They are also an anchor in celebrating holidays. I know that I can count of them for anything that I need. I hope they feel the same about me. They have enabled me to define family in my own terms.
I have been fortunate to have FOCs come in and out of my life over the years. I cannot imagine what life would be like without the foundational family I was born into as well as the created compassionate families that I have chosen, and that have chosen me.
AMEN & AMEN! FOC holds me accountable, holds me though trials and just plain holds me, just the way I am.
Thanks for this wonderful reminder
I like that you choose this topic. Our FOC are often overlooked, yet critically important, to who we are and continue to be. These FOC are often there for me when my family can’t (or won’t) be. With them, my life is richer and somehow a little more assured.