“Introduce yourself briefly and talk about one of the scars, visible or invisible, on your body.” This request was part of an introductory activity during the first meeting of a group of people who did not know each other but who would spend the next 10 days together on an outdoor adventure trip.
I had never experienced such a request. I learned quickly, however, that talking about scars can carry personal, emotional, and social significance. I have been fortunate to have few visible scars on my body. That day I talked about the scars on my shoulder that were a result of surgery on a rotator cuff tear that I got when downhill skiing.
One woman talked about the mastectomy she had due to breast cancer. A youngish guy described knee surgery because of playing high school football. Another woman described the scar on her forehead where her brother had accidentally hit her with a baseball bat when she was 10 years old.
The significance of the get-acquainted activity revealed something interesting and unknown about the people we would get to know well in the next few days. Several aspects were significant.
First, scars can be a symbol of survival and/or strength. Scars often represent something the person has endured and overcome whether surgery or an accident. Talking about them can be a way of reclaiming agency over something painful.
Second, revealing information about scars can be an opportunity for communication. It can be an invitation for deeper emotional intimacy. Further, scars are part of an identity narrativethat show how good and/or bad experiences have shaped each of us. No one talked about emotional scars that I am sure we all had. Those stories were reserved for later when we became more closely acquainted.
Third, scars can be associated with social or cultural meanings. They can be stigmatized. Conversations about them challenge that stigma. Scars can be reframed not as flaws, but a part of a person’s lived experience. Though the scars I have from two shoulder surgeries as well as two wrist surgeries are faint, they remind me that I am fortunate to be an active person even though accidents can happen.
Dialoging about scars can be therapeutic, empowering, connective, and interesting. Descriptions are rarely about the mark but about the story behind it and what it means to carry it forward. Learning about people’s scars was a way to start a dialogue about what is meaningful in life.
What a great icebreaker for that kind of group!!
I join you on the shoulder issues. Rotator cuff 12 years ago and the other shoulder last week after the new kitty decided to play the under-your-feet game. If I didn’t have an artificial hip already, it might be a two-fer.
Thx for sharing this interesting ice breaker!
Interesting… I’d never thought about that, even once. What a way to get at a story you may never have shared otherwise….