Wandering and Wondering

I never knew anyone to live to be 102 years old until now. This week my Uncle Bob Henderson will celebrate 102 years living in my hometown, Coggon, Iowa. Although this milestone may not be as well known in Iowa as the Hawkeye Women’s Basketball team, it is a big deal.

People live longer these days. Medical technology has helped. However, the part that is important is not the quantity but the quality of those years. My uncle Bob has had both quality and quantity. I hope others will be so fortunate.

My uncle is my dad’s oldest brother. My dad passed over 9 years ago at the respectable age of almost 92. He had a good life on the farm, too. In a recent article written about Coggon’s oldest resident, Uncle Bob said he has no regrets and “has lived a good life.” Don’t we all hope to make such a statement?

Uncle Bob was a farmer and also worked for most of his adult life in local banking. Before “retirement” he served as the secretary/treasurer of the local school board for 20 years. He has a legacy in Coggon as a volunteer extraordinaire. Small towns often struggle, and Bob did his best to help the community thrive and not just survive. He was a pioneer in the development of the Coggon Betterment Organization as well as the Coggon Historical Society.

This man saw great change in the 100 years since he grew up using only horses for farming. Much has been written about how to live a long and meaningful life. My Uncle Bob could be a model for what is important. In the article he stated, “I have enjoyed people, and I have enjoyed doing things for people.” Bob believes that the secret to life is getting along with one another.

My uncle was fortunate to be surrounded by a loving family as well as caring neighbors. He was married for 76 years before his wife passed recently. His two daughters have been by his side. My cousin, Mary, has been a devoted caregiver and moved in with her parents several years ago so they could “age in place.”

I am proud and grateful for my dad’s big brother. I know Uncle Bob will continue to enjoy life and inspire his family and friends. Happy Birthday!

Something I miss most about my mother’s passing four years ago this month is that I can’t just call her or go visit to share good things in my life. For several years, I looked forward daily to chatting with her about routine happenings as well as special moments.

I continually find, as W. Clement Stone suggested: “If you are really thankful, what do you do? You share.” I am grateful that I have family and friends with whom I can share my joys, as well as sadness, and am recognizing how important sharing has become in my life.

Joy: First flower of spring on April 1, 2023 (photo by Jim Swaney)

I have not always been good at sharing. I consider myself a private person.  I need time to feel comfortable around others. I have worked hard to be a better conversationalist and have found that getting others to talk about themselves gets me off the hook. I also value humility in myself. Nevertheless, I am learning that communicating joy results in its doubling. Sharing is caring regardless of the content.

Volunteering at Rocky Mountain National Park reflects the impact of sharing. I love to hear people exclaim how beautiful our park is. Their sharing reminds me about my joy in living here, although I usually do not need to have my consciousness jogged. I love people who come into the Visitor Center with their phones out eager to show a photo of what they just saw in the park-a coyote, a moose, a flower, a bird. I appreciate another quote I saw, “Life is not about making others happy. Life is about sharing your happiness with others.”

When something good happens to me, I am eager to share with special others. I do not do so in a bragged manner, but as a way to connect. I eagerly accept it when others impart significant moments of pride and joy with me. Just yesterday a friend shared a video of the spring lambs on her farm who were running and jumping (with joy) in the warm sunshine.

These ideas may seem a bit “cheesy.” Yet, as I acknowledge the four years since my mother passed, I remember how much I miss communicating about joy—hearing her updates on family affairs as well as my giving her a rundown of the good (and bad) things that constitute my day. I am grateful for others who “get” me and am grateful that I have had significant opportunities for joy AND sharing over the years.

I feel like an old person when I talk about pre-internet days. Yet, as a baby boomer I think about my youth without cell phones and where answers to questions came from verbal conversations or going to the library. I am not alone in my love and hate relationship with technology.

I recall the “code” that we had with my parents when extracurricular school activities were over, and we needed to get a ride home. We would go to the only pay phone in town on main street, dial the home number, let it ring twice, hang up, dial again, let it ring twice, and hang up. That was the signal that we were ready to get picked up. Mom or dad would show up in 10 minutes, and we saved a dime in the call!

I also remember reading Future Shock in the early 1970’s. Toffler described how someday technology would enable information from around the world to be readily available at home with a few computer keystrokes. If I wanted a report about XYZ from a library in Japan, I would have instant access on a screen rather than having to go to a library or request something mailed to me. We take for granted that immediate answers to many questions can be “googled” with a small handheld device.

Social media dominates the world. Although it allows for immediate information with little effort, it also allows for disinformation, misinformation, and misunderstood information. Having access to people instantly with text or messaging can create important connections. On the other hand, always having our devices in hand can distance us.

Recently I invited three friends to my house to watch a basketball game. Everyone was settled and I had made sure drinks and snacks were available. The game was about to start and I looked around the room to see that everyone was on their phone. I mentioned it and they put the phones away. The moment was surreal as it appeared that their screens were more central than pre-game chatter.

Technology has revolutionized learning. Teaching and research are easier. Nevertheless, so much information can be overwhelming. Drowning in information and starving for knowledge can be a result. I must critically examine the bombardment of messages I receive every day.

I am reticent about artificial intelligence (AI) and the impact it is having. It is exciting and very scary. I continue to evaluate what AI means. In the meantime, I am grateful for the technological world AND also maintain skepticism that it is the answer to life’s social questions.

I usually start putting together ideas for a blog posting weeks ahead of time. I jot ideas about what I want to say.  I planned to write about a Chinese proverb I stumbled upon: “Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.” I wanted to reflect on how this idea related to my acceptance of aging. It would be a lament about my physical slow down.

Things happen, however. Last week I had to stop and stand still for a while. I contacted a terrible cold—went to the doctor and confirmed it was not COVID, Flu, pneumonia, or RSV but an old fashioned cold that I had not had for years. I felt miserable. Due to asthma issues, the bug hit my lungs. Moving around in my house was a physical and mental struggle. Doing nothing/standing still was a better alternative to going a snail’s pace!

Most of my life has been a whirlwind of activity. I have not lived in the proverbial slow lane. I have prided myself in moving quickly, reading fast, typing rapidly, and multi-tasking. A cat once taught me to move a bit slower in my house. She jumped up and ran away whenever I popped up quickly from sitting in a chair. If I moved slowly, she was much happier.

My mother bemoaned that when she was in her early 80s she just did not have the same endurance she used to have. I wish I had talked to her more about how she felt as I am going through a similar experience. I am hopeful, but doubtful, that I will get back to normal energy, whatever that is.

Consciously slowing down has enabled me in retirement to be more mindful and to absorb the world more fully. Coming to a standstill, however, has been difficult. CHOOSING to slow down or come to a standstill is different than having it forced upon me. Cursing slowness is not as bad as no movement whatsoever.

I feel better this week. Being patient with myself is not my strong suit. I work on adjusting to slowness, however, as it seems inevitable. I am gaining a deeper appreciation of growing slowly and doing what I can to avoid future times of standstill.

Remember when the choices one had for ice cream were vanilla and chocolate (and maybe strawberry)? Today Ben and Jerry’s advertise that they have 54 flavors available. Making choices is more complex than when I was a child! I can live with options but I am increasingly stressed by divisive dichotomies that exist.

An idea that I have written about professionally as well as tried to model in my life is BOTH/AND as contrasted to EITHER/OR. The basis of both/and is that multiple things can be true (and available) at the same time. Everybody has a right to their experience. Not being locked into either/or thinking opens up new worlds such as the possibilities of trying interesting new flavors of ice cream.

I was brought up to think mostly in rational, dualistic terms that did not allow multiple perspectives or meanings–things were either right or wrong. Now I understand that dualistic thinking is not the only way to make sense of the world. Traditions such as Buddhism and Taoism understand and teach the paradoxical nature of reality. Examples of both/and thinking are:

Hard work and leisure

Solitude and community

Mind and body

Happiness and sadness

University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill (men’s basketball) and North Carolina State University (all sports)

Two examples of BOTH/AND thinking are evident in my life. I had the opportunity to collaborate with my mentor, Doug Sessoms, on a book about our professional organization. Doug wanted to title the book, The Noble Experiment: The History of the National Park and Recreation Association from 1965-2005. I argued with him that it was “a history” and not “the history.” The book was our interpretation and I fully realized that others might have different perspectives. Ultimately, we wrote “A History…” Other people later wrote with different interpretations of that history.

Second, I have a colleague who is also a family therapist. One time in a discussion, she reminded me that people were often quick to respond, “Yes, but…” She taught me that in writing as well as speaking, saying, “Yes, and…” was a better way to acknowledge multiple perspectives.

Either/or is an over-simplification that can miss the point (at best) or be harmful (at worst). I am learning to ask myself to fully explore my emotions and not always compartmentalize my thinking. I do not want to discard dualistic thinking as it provides guidance for living. Sometimes OR is important. I am more often convinced, however, that AND is a better response.

The people I most admire are those committed to giving their time and energy as much as possible to their families, friends, non-humans, and communities. Ordinary people can do ordinary things. I am privileged to give my time to people and causes that matter to me. Many family members, friends, and acquaintances also embody service living.

“Service living honors that part of each of us that is connected to the larger community of life. It is lifelong action that contributes to the health and well-being of all living things.” This statement opens a book (Service Living: Building Community through Public Parks and Recreation) that I co-authored in 2008 with my dear colleagues Doug Wellman, Dan Dustin, and Roger Moore. I am most proud of this book because it embodies how people can be responsible citizens in a participatory democracy. 

Every individual can make a difference as part of a greater community. In the book, we tell the stories of four ordinary people who made extraordinary contributions to public parks and recreation: Frederick Law Olmstead, Jane Addams, Benton MacKaye, and Marjory Stoneman Douglas.

The lives of the four people we describe were everyday citizens just like you and me who experienced life’s ups and downs and suffered through self-doubt, insecurity, and anxiety. Our conclusion in the book is that democracy is a verb. Anyone can make a positive difference in this world as these four individuals did.

We coined the term “service living” hoping that it would become part of common language. Unfortunately, it has not been widely adopted. We believe, however, that the idea informs a desire for lifelong service to others. Sitting on the sidelines and watching life pass by can hardly be called living. Retreating into the comfort and safety of our private lives may be necessary sometimes but it does not mean forsaking public service. This service living defines life worth living.

People’s everyday service to home, family, community, and the planet is paramount in both ordinary and extraordinary ways. I appreciate people who live(d) their lives in service living such as (to mention only a few) my mother, my cousin Mary, my sister Lyn, my deceased volunteer colleague Don Seedle, my friends in Estes Park including Deb, Gail, and Pat, and Jane Goodall whom I hope to hear speak next week. Their paths are (were) paved with service living.

Finders Keepers by Craig Childs is a book that investigates the past and asks questions about who it belongs to. This book was chosen as the “One Valley, One Book” reading for 2023. Initially I wasn’t excited about the choice but wanted to participate in the community event so read the book. It opened my eyes to the meanings of artifacts left behind. Although not the chief point of the book, I have taken away the idea that things have a spirit and should not be unlinked from their intent and location.

Childs talks about the “precious belongings that people cared for” and how best not to disturb them. He admonishes that to remove a relic, keep it as a personal possession, sell it, or even give it to a museum violates his personal ethic. For indigenous traditionalists these items may be seen as alive, extremely powerful, and dangerous when not treated with proper ceremonial care. Through the discussions, I learned that Federal law honors the ownership rights of Native American tribes to the remains of their dead ancestors and the funerary objects buried with them.

One of the important life passages is death, which is understood by many cultures as a transition and not an ending. Native American traditions appear to conceive of human beings as complex entities that bind together essences or spirits that undergo transformations after death.

Understanding more about these issues has resulted in my thinking about the “soul” of things that hold magnitude for me. I have items made by my father and mother that hold great power especially since my parents have made their transformations from their earthly lives.

Back in my “cowboy” days as a child, my dad hand-made me a holster for my toy gun. He crafted it of leather from a draft horse collar. I have it carefully stored away and periodically get it out to hold. I experience a powerful connection with my dad and that personal artifact. Similarly, my mother made a quilted bedspread for me when I graduated from college as well as several quilted wall hangings. When we had to be evacuated from the wildfires, those were the precious items I took with me.

I feel the spirit of my parents in these personal treasures and would never want them taken away without my permission. These items may not hold cultural significance, but they have a soul that resonates deeply with who I am.

I am glad I have rights. I firmly believe, however, that rights are not sustainable without responsibilities. I have especially been thinking about human rights in the broadest sense since I interacted with colleagues at a recent leisure studies conference.

Human rights are a huge idea. The contribution that a field like leisure studies that encompasses sports, arts, tourism, and community recreation is worth considering. I am grateful for the rights that I have related to leisure as well as daily living.

The Bill of Rights is the first 10 Amendments to the Constitution. It spells out Americans’ rights in relation to their government. It guarantees civil rights and liberties to the individual—like freedom of speech, press, and religion. It sets rules for due process of law and reserves all powers not delegated to the Federal Government to the people or the States. It specifies that “the enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.”

Because I have a right does not mean that I must exercise it. The second amendment guarantees me the right to bear arms. However, I do not have to own a gun if I do not want to. Rights enable individuals but they do not require participation. Rights offer freedom to choose. As noted above, however, rights portend responsibilities. If I own a gun, I have the responsibility to make sure it is safely stored and not used to hurt others. One can draw examples from all the other rights in a democratic society.

A was a contributor to the recently updated Charter for Leisure adopted by the World Leisure Organization. Leisure is a human right, which was established by the Universal Declaration of Human Rights endorsed by the United Nations in 1948. The articles recognize the right to rest and leisure and the opportunities to participate in the cultural life of the community. With these rights comes the obligation to recreate responsibly doing no harm to self or others. These responsibilities should be widely advocated and practiced.

Leisure has sometimes been debated as a privilege or a reward rather than a right. As a retiree, I see rights in all those ways but also believe everyone should have the right to leisure regardless of their status in society. Nevertheless, rights are a complicated idea and I continue to ponder what they mean.

I am having problems with hiking/snowshoeing as fast as I used to. I attribute it to asthma and aging. I sometimes doubt my stamina on longer hikes. Recently on one of those walks, I recognized that I needed to be positive about my ability. As I lagged behind, I remembered my favorite childhood story, The Little Engine that Could. My attitude and ability began to change.

This American fairytale by Watty Piper became widely known in the United States after publication in 1930. I remember my mom reading to me when I was a little girl, and I appreciated her admonishment to me that I should and could be like the little engine. The abbreviated story goes like this:

A little railroad engine was employed in a station yard for such work as it was built for, pulling a few cars on and off the switches. One morning it was waiting for the next call when a long train of freight-cars asked a large engine in the roundhouse to take it over the hill. “I can’t. It is too much a pull for me,” said the great engine built for hard work. Then the train asked another engine, and another, only to hear excuses and be refused. In desperation, the train asked the little switch engine to draw it up the grade and down on the other side. “I think I can,” puffed the little locomotive, and put itself in front of the great heavy train. As it went on the little engine kept bravely puffing faster and faster, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.”

As it neared the top of the grade, which had so discouraged the larger engines, it went more slowly. However, it still kept saying, “I—think—I—can, I—think—I—can.” It reached the top by drawing on bravery and then went on down the grade, congratulating itself by saying, “I thought I could, I thought I could.”

An analysis I read suggested this story is about cultural relativism. The trains each believe they are doing the right thing based on their own values, and these stem from the kind of work they do. For me, however, the analysis teaches optimism and hard work.

Positive psychologists might suggest that a better affirmation would be “I can.” I guess I like the notion of the challenge thinking that one can be successful in difficult situations. I appreciate the bravery and commitment of the little engine that could. It is a new mantra for the opportunities in my life today.  

In the musical, Paint Your Wagon, a song is about the wind called Maria (Mariah). The lyrics:

“Maria blows the stars around and sends the clouds a’flyin’.

Maria makes the mountains sound like folks were up there dying”

People in Estes Park call the wind much worse names than Maria! In the winter, Estes Park is unusually windy.

Years ago, before I moved here, I struck up a conversation with a middle-aged woman during an organized hike in the park. She remarked that her family had moved to Estes Park three years earlier, but they were moving back to Texas at the end of the summer. I was taken aback because it was my dream to someday live in Estes Park. She said they simply could not stand the wind. I really didn’t know what she meant.

Having now lived here for 9 years, I do understand. After my first winter, however, I vowed that the wind would not deter me from going outdoors. It is obnoxious some days, but I have learned to dress appropriately—wind doesn’t get through Gore-Tex jackets and wind pants over long underwear.

In addition, I am learning where the wind resides. I have a list of trails that are “less” windy than others. The wind usually is greatest near lakes and on top of mountains. If you live where you can see Longs Peak, you will likely live in a windy area. Tolerating the wind is a small price to pay for the beauty of that 14,000 foot peak. I embrace the wind and am grateful when I am out of it.

A recent article in our local newspaper explained the reason for winter winds in the Estes Valley. The causes are related to the jet stream and mountain wave events. In the winter, the jet stream sets at 30,000 feet above the mountains and pushes the winds down because of the high elevations. Mountain waves occur near range areas where the winds come perpendicular to the mountains and then are forced up and over roaring down through narrow valleys below into Estes Park.

Last week I was snowshoeing in the park and encountered a young man skiing on the trail. We chatted for a moment about the day and he remarked, “You’ll find the wind talking to you when you get to tree line.” I smiled as I imagined what the wind might be saying.

The good news is some days are NOT windy in the mountains. The calm and quiet when the wind stops is cause for celebration and joy. The contrast of the gusty winds and the silence of winter is a bittersweet reality of living in this beautiful valley.