My students had a final project in my “Women, Work, and Leisure” class at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill. I asked them to interview their mother, grandmother, or another significant adult who was at least a generation older than them. They were to use an interview guide to learn about the individual’s work and leisure life from childhood to the present. They recorded and transcribed the interview. They then applied what they learned to the research and major concepts we had been addressing all semester in the class.
One of the students came into my office to explain why it was not possible for her to interview her mother. She said her mother was hearing impaired and was hard to understand when she spoke. I suggested that the student give the interview a try and if it did not work out, she could interview someone else.
Several days later the student came into my office with tears in her eyes. “I interviewed my mom and then I sat down to transcribe the recording. It was hard to understand but for the first time, I listened and heard what she had to say. I learned so much that I never knew. Thank you for making me do this assignment.”
I was thrilled for the student. As often happens in teaching, I learned an important lesson that day, too. In future visits to my childhood home, I asked my mom questions about her work and leisure over the years. Like my student, I appreciated what I was learning.
My mother passed six years ago. Although I understood more about her childhood and years as an Iowa farmwife and a reading teacher, I wish that I had asked how she felt about her life experiences. I suspect I know the answers to some questions, but I long to have learned more from her before her health deteriorated.
As I get older, I contemplate questions that I now consider in my own life and wish I could ask mom to get her perspective. What would she say were the most important people in her life (sans her family)? What were her happiest moments? When was she the saddest? Who was the biggest influence on her life? What were the most important lessons she learned that might be helpful to me? What was her favorite memory of me? Of my sisters? Of my dad? Of her parents and siblings? What was mom proud of? Is there anything she regrets in her life? How did she feel about growing older and the physical changes that occurred? What were her hopes for her grandchildren, and great grandchildren? What wisdom would she like to pass on to them? How would she like to be remembered?
I know how I remember her, and I am grateful. I would love to talk to her again.
💜