Both/And: Introverts and Extroverts

One of the binary assumptions that perplexes me is the idea of having only an introvert OR extrovert personality. I think about myself and the people I know/meet and where we fall on what I believe is a spectrum or continuum.

I would classify myself as an extroverted introvert. I was more extroverted when younger, but I have been mostly introverted much of my life. This personality may explain why I like to sit alone and write. I would never be described as the life of any party. On the other hand, I like parties (for a while) and I enjoy being social.

Continuum:

Introvert——————-KH———————-NR–Extrovert

Research says that genes influence one’s personality. I am a product of a mom who was more extroverted than introverted and a father who was quite introverted and shy. I like that I have both of their traits. In the big picture, however, I am more like my dad. Nevertheless, personalities also are shaped by life experiences.

Not all introverts or extroverts are the same because most of us are a mixture of both. Introverts, however, are generally reserved. I like to be with people, and I need time away to recharge. I like small groups of people. I can assume leadership when necessary and I am also glad for others to lead if they are headed in (what I consider) the right direction. I do not turn down invitations to social gatherings, as I know I will enjoy one-on-one conversations. I prefer more meaningful discourses than small talk. I often need time to think and reflect before I speak.

The writing life involves spending time alone. I do not work well in crowded environments, and I prefer writing at home, at my desk, rather than being in a coffee shop or even at an office. I like being “in my head.” I favor calm, minimally stimulating settings.

I wish I was more extroverted, but over the years I have learned to surround myself with extroverts and the pressure is taken off to be in the spotlight. I appreciate my friends regardless of where they are on this continuum. One reason I have been thinking about extroversion and introversion is because of the recent passing of a dear friend who was an extroverted extrovert.

I admired Nina (NR) in many ways because of her extroversion. She was an outgoing passionate person who naturally drew people to her. She liked being the center of attention and that served her well in getting things done and inspiring others. Being who she was did not mean that she did not think deeply and have meaningful relationships. She exuded her enthusiasm as a true extrovert. It feels like just a little less energy in the universe today. My introverted self will miss this wonderful, extroverted friend.