Month: November 2023

I am proud to say that I am a scientist. I was, and still am, a social scientist. Although different from being in biological or natural sciences, understanding human behavior is essential. I believe in science and how it can lead to better living.

I have always had a curiosity about why things are the way they are. I enjoy learning and exploring questions. As a young person, I loved doing “research” in the school library and remember how excited I was when I could go to the Cedar Rapids Public Library to collect in-depth information for a report. Although I got extra credit for participating in experiments when I took psychology classes in college, I found the topics exciting and wanted to know more about the outcomes.

I went to graduate school thinking that I would have a future in youth development education. During those years I discovered how interesting it was to conduct original research and to apply scientific methods. My dissertation on the motivations of volunteers provided a theoretical foundation for understanding the work I had been doing for years with volunteers. From that opportunity, I got to explore other issues related to the motivations and constraints for activities such as within women’s leisure.

I am frustrated with people who are not willing to believe the science generated every day. I recognize that research is not useful if it is not rigorously conducted. I am also aware that statistics can lie. On the other hand, science provides information that should be digested, critiqued, and revised. The value of science lies in the ongoing questions that it raises. I have never conducted a research project that did not result in dozens of new questions.

What I like about science is how it expands on previous science. Science is about building a body of knowledge (the BOK as my students liked to call it!) Science is never complete. The evolution of research on any science question is key to deeper understanding. For example, some of the early research about COVID-19 was later proven wrong. Nevertheless, the first studies had to be done to lead to new questions and conclusions. Conclusions once drawn may change over time with more research.

Everything we know and do today is based on science. Science cannot be discounted, and I am glad that I can continue to contribute to its value by being a consumer of good science as it affects my daily life.

Over the past several years, I have included at least three things I am grateful for each day when I write in my morning journal. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday for many reasons. I believe, however, that thanksgiving should be my daily exercise. As I reflect on the holiday, I reread my gratitude entries over the past year. I strive to identify the BIG and recurring happenings as well as the ^small and personal observances that brighten my life. I suspect you would have more to add. Here are a few examples from my journal. I am grateful for:

• Foggy mornings
• The sound of elk bugling
• My first sip in the morning of caramel colored dark coffee
• Timed entry to Rocky Mountain National Park
• The end of Timed Entry into the park
• Vaccines that I don’t have a reaction to
• A full moon rising
• A full moon setting
• A life of the mind
• Fresh garden vegetables
• Hiking to Chasm Lake
• Sweet cinnamon rolls
• Living in a warm house
• My friend’s recovery from poor health
• Electricity
• Aspen glow on Longs Peak in the early morning
• Birthday cupcakes
• Walks with borrowed dogs
• The opportunity to make music
• Philanthropists
• Talented and committed young people
• Zoom
• The quietness of nature
• Mountain lion tracks
• Wispy clouds
• Getting a year older and wiser
• A relaxing massage
• My Iowa roots
• My cuddly cats and their health
• A good night’s sleep
• Travel to interesting places
• A quiet night at home
• Clean air and water
• Ducks and geese on Lake Estes
• Good books and libraries
• Unclogged drains
• Kind people
• Pizza and friends to share it with
• March Madness
• Embodying service living
• Park Rangers
• Hot chocolate after a volunteer day at Bear Lake
• A negative COVID test
• The quiet of early mornings
• Old friends
• A dependable car
• Women’s basketball
• Sunshine on my shoulders
• Conversations with my sisters
• Open windows at night
• A safe trip
• Gentle rain
• Lightning in the distance
• Being able to adapt to change
• The professional career I had
• Humble people
• Rhubarb pie
• Babies of all kinds
• A kitty sitting on my lap
• Unexpected gifts
• Choices in what to do with time and money
• A new roof
• Friends for celebrating Thanksgiving and thanksgiving.

I pulled onto I-380 from the Eastern Iowa Airport. A farmer was harvesting corn in a nearby field. The clouds in the sky were gray with rain in the forecast. Either riding with a family member or renting a car, I have made this highway entry dozens, if not hundreds, of times since moving from Iowa in 1976. I feel anticipation, relief, and a bit of sadness that I am “home” for a while.

I felt something different when my parents were alive than I feel today. I looked forward to being back on the farm and to conversations with them over the breakfast and dinner table—catching up on my travels as well as what family news was happening. I used to think of home as a place, but as I head to my sister’s home today, I identify with the idea of home associated with a feeling or a connection.

A I am drawn to the popular song Elvis Presley recorded “Home is where the heart is.” He contends that home is wherever he is with a special person. For me, going home to Iowa meant reconnecting with my parents. Although I enjoy my family and growing number of great nieces and nephews, I feel a hole in my home since my folks are no longer on this earth.

I lived in North Carolina for 27 years, and it never felt like “home” to me. The wide-open spaces always called to me. Although beautiful, my house in North Carolina felt enclosed by the dozens of trees. Open spaces existed when I was walking on Atlantic Ocean beaches, but I realized after time at the beach that I am a mountain person. I wished for home, as a place, to be about peaks and valleys.

I now live in the mountains and yearn for this environment to be home. I love the landscapes but am realizing home is not about a space as I once thought. I have a community, and I appreciate the friendships I have gained through volunteering, hiking, and musical performances. On the other hand, I need more time and connections before Colorado will be more than a physical place.

Perhaps if I had a special someone in Estes Park, I would feel different. Nevertheless, Iowa will always be my home of origin as I value the potential of new opportunities in Estes Park as a choice for my heart.

Mom went away for four days and forgot to unplug her computer. Here I am writing with my hunt and paw entries. I want to write about my daily life as unremarkable as it is. My sister, Mog, has no interest and snoozes in the desk chair as I compose.

Mom is usually an early riser. I like that because it means getting breakfast sooner rather than later. If she isn’t up when the radio comes on, I irritate her by shredding whatever paper is laying on the desk. When she yells “Stop It!” I know it’s time to jump down and run toward the kitchen. She will get up soon.

Mom fixes different food for me than from Mog since I had my hospital episode this past summer. I like Mog’s food better, but mom makes me wait until my sister walks away before I can clean up her leftovers.

After breakfast I begin my morning patrol of the house, all three stories. I go down to the rec room window and observe if any mice or chipmunks have scampered across the outside deck. In the winter, when the bears have gone into hibernation and the bird feeders are up, I see if any ground feeders are looking for treats that fell from the main deck feeder.

After mom looks at her email and writes in her journal, I help her with her yoga routine. I admire that she has been diligent in following a program that she says makes her feel less stiff in the morning. I remind her that I have done downward facing cat for years and it has served me well.

I hang out with mom until she leaves to go volunteer or hike or whatever she does. Mog continues to snooze. I eventually curl up on the bed and relax unless I hear something outside that distracts me.

Mom usually comes home sometime during the day. If I feel like it, I greet her. If I don’t, I just ignore her until it gets close to dinner time. In the late afternoon, I am quick to jump up the minute she moves in case she heads to the kitchen. If I don’t get my supper by 5:00 pm, I get cranky.

After I eat, I take an early evening nap. Mog, of course, immediately resumes her snoozing. I must have a nap so that I can patrol again before everyone goes to bed and make sure the house is secure for the night. Sometimes I sleep on mom’s bed and sometimes I sleep on the couch downstairs depending on my mood. I will need to get up early so I can begin to shred paper, if necessary. That’s me. An ordinary cat, an ordinary day.

I have Imposter Syndrome. Although the term has been coined recently, I have struggled with this feeling all my life even though it has not prevented me from trying hard. I can relate to Georgia O’Keefe who stated, “I’ve been absolutely terrified every moment of my life-and it never kept me from doing a single thing I wanted to do.” I am afraid I might fail. Worse, when I have succeeded, I have doubted the success. I fear being discovered as a fraud. Nevertheless, Steve Jobs reminded us that, “If you’re afraid of failing, you won’t get very far.”

As I read more about imposter syndrome, I recognized it is a common human experience and not a mental health issue. I have always felt that humility was important. I had a high school teacher who once told me, “When you’re great, you can afford to be humble.” I do not hold illusions of grandeur and I also do not feel comfortable “tooting my own horn” since my success might be questioned.

Imposter syndrome happens to me because I care about doing well. I have reasonable intelligence. I have worked hard, AND I have been privileged to know people who are brilliant. I can never measure up to them and I feel honored to be in their company. Even with doubts and the recognition of others’ preeminence, I am proud of what I have accomplished, and recognize that I have done my best with the opportunities I have had.

A colleague sent me an article recently that listed the top 2% of Sport, Leisure and Tourism scholars over their career ( https://elsevier.digitalcommonsdata.com/datasets/btchxktzyw/6). I was pleased to be on that list along with other distinguished colleagues that I have known in my profession. I am grateful for this recognition and realize that imposter syndrome niggles in my mind. My success is due to trusted mentors, supportive colleagues, encouraging friends, and enthusiastic students. I am trying to exercise psychological flexibility as I humbly revel in the recognition. Trepidation has made me try harder, and be humbler, in all that I undertake.