Month: March 2023

I feel like an old person when I talk about pre-internet days. Yet, as a baby boomer I think about my youth without cell phones and where answers to questions came from verbal conversations or going to the library. I am not alone in my love and hate relationship with technology.

I recall the “code” that we had with my parents when extracurricular school activities were over, and we needed to get a ride home. We would go to the only pay phone in town on main street, dial the home number, let it ring twice, hang up, dial again, let it ring twice, and hang up. That was the signal that we were ready to get picked up. Mom or dad would show up in 10 minutes, and we saved a dime in the call!

I also remember reading Future Shock in the early 1970’s. Toffler described how someday technology would enable information from around the world to be readily available at home with a few computer keystrokes. If I wanted a report about XYZ from a library in Japan, I would have instant access on a screen rather than having to go to a library or request something mailed to me. We take for granted that immediate answers to many questions can be “googled” with a small handheld device.

Social media dominates the world. Although it allows for immediate information with little effort, it also allows for disinformation, misinformation, and misunderstood information. Having access to people instantly with text or messaging can create important connections. On the other hand, always having our devices in hand can distance us.

Recently I invited three friends to my house to watch a basketball game. Everyone was settled and I had made sure drinks and snacks were available. The game was about to start and I looked around the room to see that everyone was on their phone. I mentioned it and they put the phones away. The moment was surreal as it appeared that their screens were more central than pre-game chatter.

Technology has revolutionized learning. Teaching and research are easier. Nevertheless, so much information can be overwhelming. Drowning in information and starving for knowledge can be a result. I must critically examine the bombardment of messages I receive every day.

I am reticent about artificial intelligence (AI) and the impact it is having. It is exciting and very scary. I continue to evaluate what AI means. In the meantime, I am grateful for the technological world AND also maintain skepticism that it is the answer to life’s social questions.

I usually start putting together ideas for a blog posting weeks ahead of time. I jot ideas about what I want to say.  I planned to write about a Chinese proverb I stumbled upon: “Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.” I wanted to reflect on how this idea related to my acceptance of aging. It would be a lament about my physical slow down.

Things happen, however. Last week I had to stop and stand still for a while. I contacted a terrible cold—went to the doctor and confirmed it was not COVID, Flu, pneumonia, or RSV but an old fashioned cold that I had not had for years. I felt miserable. Due to asthma issues, the bug hit my lungs. Moving around in my house was a physical and mental struggle. Doing nothing/standing still was a better alternative to going a snail’s pace!

Most of my life has been a whirlwind of activity. I have not lived in the proverbial slow lane. I have prided myself in moving quickly, reading fast, typing rapidly, and multi-tasking. A cat once taught me to move a bit slower in my house. She jumped up and ran away whenever I popped up quickly from sitting in a chair. If I moved slowly, she was much happier.

My mother bemoaned that when she was in her early 80s she just did not have the same endurance she used to have. I wish I had talked to her more about how she felt as I am going through a similar experience. I am hopeful, but doubtful, that I will get back to normal energy, whatever that is.

Consciously slowing down has enabled me in retirement to be more mindful and to absorb the world more fully. Coming to a standstill, however, has been difficult. CHOOSING to slow down or come to a standstill is different than having it forced upon me. Cursing slowness is not as bad as no movement whatsoever.

I feel better this week. Being patient with myself is not my strong suit. I work on adjusting to slowness, however, as it seems inevitable. I am gaining a deeper appreciation of growing slowly and doing what I can to avoid future times of standstill.

Remember when the choices one had for ice cream were vanilla and chocolate (and maybe strawberry)? Today Ben and Jerry’s advertise that they have 54 flavors available. Making choices is more complex than when I was a child! I can live with options but I am increasingly stressed by divisive dichotomies that exist.

An idea that I have written about professionally as well as tried to model in my life is BOTH/AND as contrasted to EITHER/OR. The basis of both/and is that multiple things can be true (and available) at the same time. Everybody has a right to their experience. Not being locked into either/or thinking opens up new worlds such as the possibilities of trying interesting new flavors of ice cream.

I was brought up to think mostly in rational, dualistic terms that did not allow multiple perspectives or meanings–things were either right or wrong. Now I understand that dualistic thinking is not the only way to make sense of the world. Traditions such as Buddhism and Taoism understand and teach the paradoxical nature of reality. Examples of both/and thinking are:

Hard work and leisure

Solitude and community

Mind and body

Happiness and sadness

University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill (men’s basketball) and North Carolina State University (all sports)

Two examples of BOTH/AND thinking are evident in my life. I had the opportunity to collaborate with my mentor, Doug Sessoms, on a book about our professional organization. Doug wanted to title the book, The Noble Experiment: The History of the National Park and Recreation Association from 1965-2005. I argued with him that it was “a history” and not “the history.” The book was our interpretation and I fully realized that others might have different perspectives. Ultimately, we wrote “A History…” Other people later wrote with different interpretations of that history.

Second, I have a colleague who is also a family therapist. One time in a discussion, she reminded me that people were often quick to respond, “Yes, but…” She taught me that in writing as well as speaking, saying, “Yes, and…” was a better way to acknowledge multiple perspectives.

Either/or is an over-simplification that can miss the point (at best) or be harmful (at worst). I am learning to ask myself to fully explore my emotions and not always compartmentalize my thinking. I do not want to discard dualistic thinking as it provides guidance for living. Sometimes OR is important. I am more often convinced, however, that AND is a better response.

The people I most admire are those committed to giving their time and energy as much as possible to their families, friends, non-humans, and communities. Ordinary people can do ordinary things. I am privileged to give my time to people and causes that matter to me. Many family members, friends, and acquaintances also embody service living.

“Service living honors that part of each of us that is connected to the larger community of life. It is lifelong action that contributes to the health and well-being of all living things.” This statement opens a book (Service Living: Building Community through Public Parks and Recreation) that I co-authored in 2008 with my dear colleagues Doug Wellman, Dan Dustin, and Roger Moore. I am most proud of this book because it embodies how people can be responsible citizens in a participatory democracy. 

Every individual can make a difference as part of a greater community. In the book, we tell the stories of four ordinary people who made extraordinary contributions to public parks and recreation: Frederick Law Olmstead, Jane Addams, Benton MacKaye, and Marjory Stoneman Douglas.

The lives of the four people we describe were everyday citizens just like you and me who experienced life’s ups and downs and suffered through self-doubt, insecurity, and anxiety. Our conclusion in the book is that democracy is a verb. Anyone can make a positive difference in this world as these four individuals did.

We coined the term “service living” hoping that it would become part of common language. Unfortunately, it has not been widely adopted. We believe, however, that the idea informs a desire for lifelong service to others. Sitting on the sidelines and watching life pass by can hardly be called living. Retreating into the comfort and safety of our private lives may be necessary sometimes but it does not mean forsaking public service. This service living defines life worth living.

People’s everyday service to home, family, community, and the planet is paramount in both ordinary and extraordinary ways. I appreciate people who live(d) their lives in service living such as (to mention only a few) my mother, my cousin Mary, my sister Lyn, my deceased volunteer colleague Don Seedle, my friends in Estes Park including Deb, Gail, and Pat, and Jane Goodall whom I hope to hear speak next week. Their paths are (were) paved with service living.

Finders Keepers by Craig Childs is a book that investigates the past and asks questions about who it belongs to. This book was chosen as the “One Valley, One Book” reading for 2023. Initially I wasn’t excited about the choice but wanted to participate in the community event so read the book. It opened my eyes to the meanings of artifacts left behind. Although not the chief point of the book, I have taken away the idea that things have a spirit and should not be unlinked from their intent and location.

Childs talks about the “precious belongings that people cared for” and how best not to disturb them. He admonishes that to remove a relic, keep it as a personal possession, sell it, or even give it to a museum violates his personal ethic. For indigenous traditionalists these items may be seen as alive, extremely powerful, and dangerous when not treated with proper ceremonial care. Through the discussions, I learned that Federal law honors the ownership rights of Native American tribes to the remains of their dead ancestors and the funerary objects buried with them.

One of the important life passages is death, which is understood by many cultures as a transition and not an ending. Native American traditions appear to conceive of human beings as complex entities that bind together essences or spirits that undergo transformations after death.

Understanding more about these issues has resulted in my thinking about the “soul” of things that hold magnitude for me. I have items made by my father and mother that hold great power especially since my parents have made their transformations from their earthly lives.

Back in my “cowboy” days as a child, my dad hand-made me a holster for my toy gun. He crafted it of leather from a draft horse collar. I have it carefully stored away and periodically get it out to hold. I experience a powerful connection with my dad and that personal artifact. Similarly, my mother made a quilted bedspread for me when I graduated from college as well as several quilted wall hangings. When we had to be evacuated from the wildfires, those were the precious items I took with me.

I feel the spirit of my parents in these personal treasures and would never want them taken away without my permission. These items may not hold cultural significance, but they have a soul that resonates deeply with who I am.